On being that customer

I had the oddest experience today! Well, in a way it was strikingly familiar. A group of dummies walks into a deli. They sit, they sit. An employee lets them know to order at the counter. A couple of people buy a soda. They sit. They talk over their Very Important Issues. Eventually they leave. Employee clears up stray tissues and pushes their chairs in for them. They do not tip, why would you at a deli?

As a long-time service industry employee, the scenario is well known to me. The two guys from the design firm down the way would come into the restaurant, one with his own coffee the other ordering a coffee from me. They sit and plan, they leave, they don’t tip. (sigh) What was new today was being one of them. I was down at Two Beards waiting for a school group, sipping on a soda. Finally they show up, late, and commandeer three tables in a corner. They order nothing. They fail to understand the gentle hints of the deli guy who tells them how to order. Finally I tell them to go buy something and a couple dutifully purchase drinks. What is the deal?

How is it not understood that to use the space one must, in effect, rent the table? That to sit inside to hash out the final details of the Statement of Cash Flow presentation one must purchase something? That the one soda I bought does not exonerate the other six people from their consumptive duty? Look at us in our suits making people clean up after us! If these are the great business-school grads, it is completely unsurprising to me that the banking industry is collapsing. And why in the entirety of my economics and ethics class did we not cover this important topic? How about we start teaching our business-shark-douchebags how to not embarrass themselves in public with the immense, self-congratulatory regard that makes them act as though they are the lauded “job-creators” that they assume their future marginal tax rates will qualify them as. Whew.

That said, arrogance does great things for iffy Statement of Cash Flow presentations and Two Beards seemed really nice. Thanks for not kicking us out, even though you maybe should have!

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